Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
