Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Can I color on your dick again?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
