It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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