Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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