Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
