I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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