the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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