I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
