He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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