Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
