He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
