I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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