He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
