I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
