im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
