Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
