I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
