her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
