i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Two words: blizzard sex
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
