sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
