college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
do herpes really smell.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
