it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
