so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
