my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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