help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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