I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I cannot find my penis.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
