I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
