Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
