I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
