My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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