I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
