never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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