I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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