Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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