is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
