We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
