so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
