It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
