You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i used baking grease as lip gloss
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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