god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
