quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
