I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
