How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
