i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
