I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
