No stitches, just platelets and will power
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
