my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
