He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
