i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
