I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
