Porn is love you can see.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
